sameness continues

Being stuck at home continues to wear on the entire household. Being semi-snowed in really shouldn't have made a difference to that vibe but, well, it did.

I got two lessons into the first drawing class I bought at udemy and realised it was *not* what I needed, and then was pleased that the $125 course I decided to take instead went on sale right after I made that decision.  It's still pencil and therefore not remotely intuitive, but has a lot more specific exercises, and I will suck it up and deal. (How to draw from beginning to master)  So far I'm making value scales and practicing blending techniques, which isn't exactly fun but *is* necessary, and feels like learning scales for piano.

Am I actually going to use this in my art business? (Am I going to re-open my art business?)  I don't know. Fanart is a strong possibility because fandom has been such a source of comfort and I like the idea of giving back. Whether I use the same pseud I make bookmarks with IDK, because I don't think I want anyone to be able to connect some of what I read back to my real life parent-ness. Or have the kids be able to make the connection, but if I make anything good I want to be able to share it here/instagram/ao3.

I've also been mostly managing to keep up with the cardio portion of my attempt at establishing better habits, which is awesome because I can already feel the difference in that it takes me longer to get out of breath, and I've been able to slowly bump up the speed (the treadmill we bought 15 or so years ago is finally getting really consistent usage between me and the kids PT.

I finally figured out one thing to do with lemon curd that doesn't require baking (I put it on a waffle) but I'm still kind of floundering. I know it's basically jam, but putting it on regular toast just seems wrong, and I really don't think it would pair well with any of my normal sandwich fixing. (chicken and jam or turkey and jam, with or without cream cheese, rocks.)

I guess that isn't entirely sameness after all. Nice.

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Bodies are irritating, education continues

the hormones have kicked in fully and I’m getting mini-hot flashes 3-10 times a day, including at night. I am really not looking to 5 years of this. I’m poking at thredup and similar to start replacing a bunch of my clothes that are synthetic with cotton/bamboo/etc, and went ahead and bought some bamboo nightgowns and (not yet arrived) linen-cotton sheets to see if that will help, because not sleeping through the night is really fucking irritating. (I normally run too cold. I’m pulling shirts/blankets on and off constantly.)

I had no less than 15 sketch pads, all different kinds of paper, and STILL had to buy two new ones for the online drawing class I’m starting. It’s ridiculous. Cheap, though, and can be used for other things than what we’re doing in the class.

I picked the bullet journal up again, which I had kind of dropped when my main tasks were surviving, and it’s been really helpful; it’s gotten me back on the horse with daily workouts and almost-daily German practice. And the motivation to do something about the sleep situation is harder to forget when I’m looking at a solid row of “bad sleep” markers in the monthly tracker. 

The kids have started a new term, and I’m glad to see the back of the last one with (miraculously) only one class that will need to be retaken. I heard a rumor that I absolutely believe that at one of the local high schools half the student body is failing at least one class. I am hopeful, though, that this term there won’t be a month where a kid is simultaneously studying the Holocaust and Cancer (this happened *while* I was in chemo) which went predictably badly considering how much stress we were already under.  The goals for their Health class sound waaay better than what we had, like, learning about mental health and making good choices on many fronts and the specific “knowing how pregnancy occurs” goal that was not there and very much needed at my high school.

WandaVision continues to be awesome and I’m ridiculously happy Darcy Lewis and Jimmy Woo are back. Sean and I are watching it together which is something I haven’t done with anyone in... maybe since before we had kids? Or soon after that?

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All is quiet

There has not really been much to report in the last while; synchronous online school continues to not  work well for the kids, no ones health has changed for better or worse, etc. One more ring in my towers of Hanoi space rearranging project has been moved.

I have been intently watching WandaVision with Sean, and appreciating how much of a standard superhero series it *isn’t*. Subtlety and mystery and humor, even.

I had a very mellow birthday; Sean got me every lemon dessert he could get his hands on. I’m trying to figure out what to do with lemon curd that doesn’t involve baking. I still haven’t been able to provide an answer to the “what do you want for your birthday” question (didn’t manage it for Christmas either) because there is very little Stuff I want, and most of the experiences that appeal are not possible because of the pandemic.

I am going to sign myself up for an online art class, and am currently vacillating between several, but am leaning towards something that will teach me to draw with graphite. My urges to draw keep being stymied by my preferred media being messy as fuck, and I don’t have a place to work other than the bed or couch right now. I’ve never really enjoyed pencil as a medium— I like charcoal because it’s easy to start with tonal masses, I really don’t think in line — but I have seen a few things that imply that maybe soft graphite sticks can be used that way? It’s that or something digital, but I really like the idea of tactile working. This entry was originally posted at https://jeliza.dreamwidth.org/1109157.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

I'm a star trek villian

My hair is returning, but not in an even or predictable way.  Only the inner halves of my eyebrows have really gotten into gear, and they are hella slanted in a very cousin-to-TOS-Vulcan look. Having almost all the follicles(?) on my arms and legs reactivate at about the same time but not grow quickly means I look like I have goosebumps for days.  The head hair is returning in a patchy, mange-like fashion, and appears to be more of a charcoal color than brunette (I dig the color, actually).  One of the parts that hasn't really started growing in is a stripe right down the center of my head, kind of reverse mohawk, and I really don't feel the need to memorialize that image for posterity.

The mustache that I hate? Growing in evenly and at full force. Ugh.

Radiation continues to be almost symptom-free, which makes me antsy to start the next phrase of treatment ASAP, because the complete lack of "Did it die or not" information is driving me mad, and they aren't going to do scans in the middle of treatment.

We bought pre-made everything for Turkey and Pie Day possible, but had to make the pies because celiac, and managed to mess up both of them. Oh well. I am going to try and made fudge from the leftover ingredients (evaporated milk from the pumpkin pie, chocolate cihps from the French Silk.)

I'm re-reading the Fraction/Aja run of Hawkeye (My Life as a Weapon), because it is awesome, and because clearly they have started doing work on the tv series, which we know because Jeremy Renner posted time capture video of them taking a head mold of him. The fandom is very hopeful that this means they are finally doing something with Hawkeye's canonical hearing loss.

(Seriously, if you have something like Hoopla that lets you borrow e-book versions of comics through your library, check it out.  One issue is told entirely from the perspective of the dog, and the drawing style isn't that hyper-muscled thing so many Marvel comics are drawn with, and it's what happens when he *isn't* Avenging, like a slice of life with, you know, archers trying to save their neighborhood from crime lords.)

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Aspiring to Hulk-ness

Radiation started today, and will be every week day until mid-December.  Not enough rads to make me into a super-soldier-monster, though.  It is less fuss than chemo, and whatever side effects there are won't kick in immediately, apparently.

It did involve my boobs getting drawn on with crayola markers and then photographed, but in a much less entertaining way that you'd think without the medical context.

Dan is currently suffering through finals, which means in the middle of all our current world stress and sick parent stress, he's having to make project about Leukemia (biology) and WW2 with an emphasis on Germnay and the Holocaust (history).  I wish I could hug his brain. This entry was originally posted at https://jeliza.dreamwidth.org/1105433.html. Please comment there using OpenID.


I accidentally did a major bit of cleaning (and throwing out) on the 1st day of "National Clean Your Home Month" (aka Salty Pirates) which is a somewhat Nanowrimo-esque thing about doing a little bit of cleaning every day.

I found 5 nail clippers in the same (not bathroom) drawer, and chocolate too old to be eaten (*has a sad*)

I'm going to attempt it, on the theory that even if some days all I can do is 5 minutes, that will still feel good.

What this is actually in service of is hanging up some heavy velvet curtains against one of the cement walls my bed is next to and see if that makes my room a tiny bit less of an icebox. Also, removing piles that the shrew who occasionally visits can hide in, since I would prefer it live *outside* instead of roaming the downstairs floor.

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catchy, yet dark

I'm sitting with Dan as he does an assignment on WW1 weaponry which means Zevon's Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner is stuck in my head.

For the complete cynical bastard commentary experience, I recommend following this up with Lawyers, Gus and Money and The Envoy.

Talking about the development and significance of machine guns and poison gases just makes me despair for humanity.

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small stabby things

Today was the intro to radiation appointment - so no actual radiation, but CT scans and breathing exercises and now I have 4 dots tattoed on me for calibration. I did not do that well with the kind of pain involved on the tattoo-ing front, which makes the tat I've been waiting to do for 15 years even less likely. And one is dead center in my cleavage like a black freckle.

Expected side effects are skin damage (like a sun burn) and .. wait for it ... Fatigue!  Ugh. I guess I should try to get as much as possible done in the 2 weeks before treatment actually starts. This entry was originally posted at https://jeliza.dreamwidth.org/1104451.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

progress and regress

The nausea and fatigue is definitely lessening (I actually cleaned yesterday! Woo!) and radiation, which starts soon, doesn't usually have that side effect.

On the other hand, covid infections in New Mexico have had a sudden massive spike, and since we don't yet know how long immunity lasts, R is definitely not coming home for Christmas, which sucks. This entry was originally posted at https://jeliza.dreamwidth.org/1104266.html. Please comment there using OpenID.